1997 marks the tenth anniversary of the Death List. It is painstakingly prepared annually by a team of experts who have accumulated vast experience in the death arena. The list is now proving to be quite stable with many familiar near-death celebrities reappearing year after year. The list is in order of celebs most likely to die in 1997. Potential assassins, please take a careful look.EMail us with your comments and suggestions for next years list at email@example.com
|1||Deng Xiaoping||95||Chinese Premiere|
|3||Pope John Paul II||77||Pope|
|7||James Earl Ray||68||Assassin|
|8||Ronald Reagan||86||(former) Idiot|
|10||Jacques Cousteau||87||Aqua man|
|14||Dr Hastings Banda||95||Dictator|
|19||Helen Wills Moody||87||Tennis|
|23||Barbara Cartland||92||Literary Genius|
|38||Arthur C Clarke||80||Scientist / Author|
|41||Edward Heath||81||ex PM|
|42||Gerald Ford||84||ex US President|
|44||Joe Di Maggio||79||Baseball|
|45||Marlon Brando||73||Actor: The Godfather of Method|
|48||Clive Dunn||77||DeathList Favourite|
|49||William Burroughs||83||Drugs Guru|
|50||Red Adair||82||Fire Fighter|
Its number nine! Dr Hastings Banda former dictator of Malawi and number 14 on this years list has succumbed to pneumonia and the curse of the Death List. Dr B had been reported as being 100 years old recently but the obituaries report him as only 99 years old - to us he's just Number 9! Just one more now to tie the record of ten.
The deathlist occasionally recieves messages of appreciation however the following email was recently received at Deathlist HQ:
Subject: current deathlist
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 01:33:20 +0000
From: Steven J Walden <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I am currently working as a freelance production assistant, on a filmthat is to star Mr Norman Wisdom, and Sir John Mills.I can reliably inform you that both gentlemen are in fine health;I know them personally.If they were to be made aware of their inclusion on this sickening listof yours, they would be likely to take offence, or worse, be upset.I suggest that you remove their names forthwith and no further reference be made;and that you, whoever you are, find someting more worthwhile to dowith your life than indulge in morbid speculation.
Obviously we were shocked to read this mail and have considered its contents very seriously. We had absolutely no idea that both gentlemen in question are in fine health. Had we have known this their inclusion on the deathlist would have been seriously in doubt. We can assure you Mr Walden that the situation will be reviewed at length in compiling the 1998 Deathlist. Of course if either of them, say, catches a cold please would you let us know and if there is any dangerous stunt work in the movie perhaps you could suggest the actors in question may wish to consider doing their own stunts. Many Thanks.
The Death List is on fire! Burgess Meredith, 89 year old actor who appeared in the Rocky movies and the Batman TV series, has died of Alzheimer's, Cancer and old age. An impressive collection of ailments from the number 28 selection. Its now 4 in a week, the 1995 record of 10 is a real possibility and we're starting to think we've created a monster. Keep watching those obituaries.
It's non-stop action now!! Jeffrey bernard, the famous 65 year old Soho playwright and drinking guy, stopped his dialysis treatment for diabetes and died in his council flat. bernard always enjoyed a drink but perhaps his non-acceptance of Alcopops was the beginning of the end. He was a regular on the list was many years and was firmly in at number 33 this year. He was really very drunk.
Mother Theresa, number two on the 1997 death list, checks out with a badly timed demise! Mother T just put too much heart into the Princess Die tribute and soon after it just packed up. T has been a big favourite of the death list for the last few years and really wanted a piece of the Diana hype. Don't believe what you read in the media this IS the Mother of all Deaths.
William Burroughs finally succumbed to years of bodily abuse today and keeled over with a fatal heart attack at the age of 83. Burroughs had been a strong candidate for many years but had dropped down to number 49 in this year's list after consistently failing to show any signs of death. Finally the 1997 Death List looks as though it could finish with a respectable score.
When it rains, it pours! Jimmy Stewart, one of the veterans of the inaugural death list in 1987, had a heart attack and died today to take the Death List 97 score to three. Stewart had been suffering from severe oldness for some time it was really only a mater of time. Keep 'em coming!
After a desperate few months the Death List chalks up Number 2. Jacques Cousteau has flipped his last flipper by expiring after 87 years of splashing around. No particular illness involved just that old favourite Old Age.
News has just filtered through (from the JLM newswire) that Deng Xiao Ping has finally expired. Apparently a (well overdue!) press conference has been held announcing the fact. Death List 1997 finally starts the ball rolling.